Progession or Regression?

Revision is difficult if there isn't enough time to reflect on what works and what needs work in the piece. I wrote about six nonfiction pieces and finally wrote one that satisfied me yesterday, and it's hard to revise because I haven't had enough time away from it. However, the fiction piece is easy to revise, because I've had a span of time where I didn't change or read it. Because of that, I was able to go back and add/delete things that needed changing.

"Asphyxiation" isn't perfect by any means, but it seems as though with every revision, it is developing into something greater and greater. I don't mean in length, but I mean in meaning. It feels as though the message is becoming clearer and stronger, and I'm happy about that.

As for the nonfiction piece, it's not where I want it to be. I'm not really sure if it will ever get to a point where I'll be somewhat satisfied with it. Maybe it's because I don't like writing about myself; I always find it hard not to trip on my own words and sound either incredibly angry or self-deprecating. For some people, writing nonfiction comes easily, but for me, I can't seem to do it. I also don't like talking about myself to other people in normal conversation, so maybe that's part of it too. In any case, nonfiction is killing me.

As for the poetry, I'm pretending I never wrote that. It feels sappy and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I wish I could write poetry like Billy Collins, but I can't boil down my emotions to concentrate and mold it into poetry.

I hope to edit the nonfiction as best I can, but I may change my mind again. I've been doing that a lot recently.