I’ve been in an interracial relationship for a little over a year now, and I think it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Most of the time, we become a spectacle and sometimes, a sort of pariah. You would think in America some of this would be commonplace, that there wouldn’t be that much objection, but only when I put myself in this position did I really begin to understand: there will never be an end to the staring, the discouraging looks, and the oh-so-discreet point of finger or look over shoulder that seems to say “that’s not right. That’s abnormal.”
Honestly, that’s not the part that really bothers me, because if it did, I would have bailed long ago. Strangers have no part in your personal life and they come and go with cursory glances and a mental tally. I just write them off and add one more tic to my tally. No, what really drags me down is not the strangers who give me dirty looks but rather the parents I have yet to meet. He’s met mine but I have yet to meet his. He’s told me what they think, that they hate the very idea of me. They hate what I am, not who. I am a white girl. He is a Korean guy. I can’t speak Korean. I am a foreigner. Hah. That’s funny: a foreigner in my own country – the country to which his family immigrated. I’m a Catholic. He’s the son of a Presbyterian pastor. They say get rid of her. She won’t do. Find a Korean girl. It’s a phase. She’s Catholic: they’re not real Christians.Think of your family. It’s not fair to us, they say.
Right: I’m a terrible person because of the color of my skin.
Right now, they pretend I don’t exist. They hope I will go away or that sooner or later he will break it off. I don’t know what to expect this year. Maybe it will be more of the same. I never thought I would be the victim of racial discrimination, but if you’ve ever been in an interracial relationship, I think you’ll understand what it’s like. Sometimes I wish I could write his parents off on my little mental tally, but that would be selfish, and I'd rather not be like them.
-Samantha Markey
One of my friend's fathers feels the same way about his brother; he doesn't like the idea of his son marrying a non-Korean woman. His brother has had the same girlfriend for five years, but his father is still hoping for him to find someone else.
ReplyDeleteMy parents feel the same way too. I don't know why, but it's just the way they are; Koreans are like that in particular.
My parents are Indians, traditionally conservative Indians at that. And, I am ,well, an Indian-American. It may sound stereotypical to say it, but I find it true, being the child of immigrant parents is different.
ReplyDeleteThey hold you to different standards and, even though they have an entire life here, see things through the lens of 'the old country.'
It's not that immigrants have somethings against another culture but more that they want to preserve their own culture & what they know. They want to have a traditional daughter in law who knows how to cook and clean and respects every word that comes out of their mouths.
I've found some of the same key mannerisms exist between cultures, from myself to other friends.
~Nitesh Arora
Wow thats tough. I totally understand. I have never been in a relationship like that but my parents have. My mom is white and my dad is black, they didn't have problems with their parents but they did have problems with their grandparents. Well to make a long story short they got devoreced, not because of the whole racial thing but because of other issues. Love and families can be crazy cant they?!
ReplyDeleteAshley