Capricious

I started this semester with high hopes. The computer aspect of this class seemed new and a great way for blogging chances, but I've never blogged before. I thought I could power through these assignments with great insights being gained along the way--how I wish it were true. Granted, I'm not putting enough effort into this class as I could, which is sad, but not as sad as when I realized I'd posted three blogs in different pages.

It's frustrating to try and find them now, and I have a tendency to distance myself from frustrating circumstances. Now I have low participation on the blogs and have started using my desperation as an attempt to return to pre-semester bliss.

If I could just get a handle on this week and finish it with no screw ups, it would really release a lot of the tension I have about our assignments. This has always been my issue to deny and ignore, and with senior year upon me, it seems like I'll have to continue dealing with this disillusionment well into my real life career.

I look at my parents and see a father that forgets the social norms and a mother that can't remember how to turn the T.V. on. I see a brother with schizophrenia and an embezzling sister with kleptomania, my oldest sister who was institutionalized for alcoholism and fantasy induce vampire-ism is now a lesbian Aflak saleswoman, and my older, though youngest sister, has an illegitimate child after graduating college and has severe stress handling issues.

Where do I fit in? Have these issues affected me so subconsciously that my memory purposefully ignores assignments if I'm dealing with too much stress? I've learned I'll never be perfect and acknowledging that fact rather then dwelling in hindsight torment has me returning to a humbler self, ready for the last push of the semester.